none

21 years behind me

Infinite years ahead.

Endless potential

Yet limited options.

Little motivation

Unrealistic dreams.

Who knows what's next.

When I'm 80, will my success even matter?

Will I have regrets if I never succeed?

What matters?

Where should my focus lie?

Art will be thrown away.

Money, spent.

Houses will fall.

Fame dies.

Names live on only through the living.

Souls leave the body.

None of it matters. None of it.

Burn it.

Oh it's all about money

And the gentlemen chat about where it's all going

Who earns the lot

And who cares of the rot

Or the filth

And the poor people dying

All asleep on their cot

And we only get more

Just to spend and to whore.

Awake! Young sellers and buyers of trash

Kill just for cash.

The trees are all dying,

all picked clean

you dastardly savers

bloodthirsty fiends

Blood running green.

Awake! Small dreamers and poor kids in rags

There has got to be more

Squirm and crawl on the floor

Ignore tricks and cheaters

and reeeach through the door.

Now STOP! sitting placid

and QUIT! evil workings

You children becoming witches

and torture just for earnings.

Let the little ones live

Let the world keep turning.

Live in a forest

And money,

keep it burning.

No use.

We're all bad people

doing bad things.

And no one is right

And no one truly knows anything about anything.

And people don't care what you're doing

Or who you are.

No use trying to be right

And no use trying to impress

And no use trying to fit well and make perfectly brilliant friends.

And certainly no use judging other people's lives.

(that's probably the dumbest way you could possibly live.)

Now you can go and create your own ending to this post.

Move away.

Quit college.

Go to college.

Find God.

Get a beer.

Or just punch someone in the face for trying to be a deity.

.

I NEED AN ADVENTURE.

And

No one knows where to go.
No one in the world.
In the old days, it was up or down
Now it's sideways
and backwards
and through
and around
and under.
And no one has any clue as to what's the best way.
And no one knows where the hell to look
And we all wonder where our lovers are
We all wonder where the time has gone
And we all fly someone else's airplane
and it only goes under
We forget that the elevator goes up
and the bicycle goes sideways
And we realize we want the bicycle,
but the airplane is cozy
And who would give that up?
So we watch the bicycle
as we dip under
and under
and we never go through
and we never find lovers who go sideways
And we never go around
and we never learn about the latter.
And we pout in our planes.
And we remain below.
And we'll never know.
Only below.

where

I felt blank working all day.
No tornadoes or fireworks.
It was dust,
A taupe canvas and a doctor's waiting room.
I didn't see any sun or any color
I didn't think about third-world countries
I didn't think about love or new life.
No philosophy
No jumping jacks
No gypsies
No music.

I saw nothing
I thought nothing
I was nothing.


Damnit, there's got to be more.

middle

I don't have the highest of hopes lately.
They rest in a middle grey area
a little fog above my head
I don't know where I'm going
Few things are in focus
like a shitty camera
There are a few things piecing me together at this time
But as far as careers
money
a "life"
I haven't got a clue.
So I'll just linger in this fog
and wait for a strong gust of wind to sweep it away
Whatev.
It's not the time to be wishing it away
or being jealous of blue sky kids.
It's the time to wait it out
Maybe play with it a little,
paint it,
and just await its departure.
It's better than a hurricane.

sins.

After the string was all tangled in knots
I pulled it ,
knowing
it would only tighten the twists
knowing that the more I pulled
the harder it'd be.
but I kept pulling.
Sometimes I would half-heartedly try undoing a loop
but then I'd retie it.
And then I would pull.
I would make more knots
and I would pull them harder.
Sometimes I would only tell them to untangle
somewhat expecting them to jump through each other
and create a solution.
The string can't move though.
I know this.
Yet here I was,
willing it to untie.
Hoping it would.
Nothing.
There I would sit
with the mess in my lap.
My fingers fumbling like bear paws.
a maze.
a trap.
Complicated.
Continuously pulling
Continuously reknotting.
Creating havoc upon havoc.

with but one solution. one houdini.

only there.

in the middle of sleep

eyes back and forth

and back

slow breath

fast dreams

i could hear a tiny song

i knew it, it was special to me

and when i woke up

i couldn't remember the notes

i had forgotten the tune

i tried closing my eyes again

real tight

i squeezed them so tight

my eyelashes melted together

i needed to hear it just one more time

i wanted it to crawl back in my ear and stay forever

though

i knew it would only ever live

in the middle of sleep

when my eyes moved back and forth

and i breathed so slow

and my dreams were so fast.

.

up and up

A boat in the sky.
I'll catch it someday, I will.
I'll latch on to it's low-flying anchor
and I'll climb til I reach the top.
What a climb it will be.
the birds will mock
and the airplanes will watch.
But that won't stop my climbing.
my palms will be burnt,
no blood in my biceps.
I will see every city
from my place on the rope.
I will look down to the ocean.
I will evaporate with it
up to the clouds
through the clouds.
Find my boat.
The sky as my company.
So many pulls.
And
after so many hours
so many days
I will reach that boat.
With the last of my strength
and the last of my will.
On board I will stand.
I've no guessing clue
what awaits for me there.
But we'll see,
I guess we'll see.

Give me a boat and I'll sail it.
Give me a class and I'll fail it.
Give me a sock and I'll pair it.
Give me a ring and I'll wear it.

My heart skips to beat it.

All the time in the world would never be enough.
There were some years ahead
little behind
a shortish span. a ticking hand.
perhaps too long
perhaps not at all.
timepiece within reach
a tiny prayer
I hurry here, I hurry there.
blood used to run slow.
but here comes the rush.
never enough
never enough
I have never stopped
I never will
give me time?
I hurry still.
I do see things
to my left and to my right
I watch them,
I watch them blur
a dizzying sight.
The clock ticks so fast,
My heart skips to beat it.
Molasses is the clock
if I'm quick to defeat it.
The hand's paralysis.
A deafening tick.
Beating time,
beat the time.
longer days
cannot quit.
Give me time
and I will sit.

world wide web.

Here I am on this spider web
my arms sprawled against the sticky sticky strings
the beast with the fangs heaving in the corner
I want to pull and tug and thrash
he'll feel me moving
he'll feel me moving then wrap me up
then eat me
I can feel him looking at me
he's waiting, I know
he'll eat me
I can't move
I can barely breathe
perhaps I'll sleep to pass the time
I'll just think of something else
why try
there he is
ready to pounce, ready to eat
stay still darling
stay still
do not move
sleep
pretend
do not move.


stay and "live."
Or jump.
and live.